I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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