Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
