Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
