he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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