I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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