It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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