i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you had me at cake vodka
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
