he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
