I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
