then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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