I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
