i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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