sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
