just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
