I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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