I wish my penis had an off switch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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