The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found the puke drawer
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
