The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
