you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
