I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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