He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
