I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
