Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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