he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
