she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
