i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
