i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
