I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
