I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
