i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
