fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
