Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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