Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
