Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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