I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
