Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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