I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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