Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
