I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
