Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
