I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
