Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
one two three fourrrrnication!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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