Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
