alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
