Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
