im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
