you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need to align my fucking chakras
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
