o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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