yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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