the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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