problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My balls are so social today.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
