theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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