Whod you bang
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
