I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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