I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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