You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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